Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there. Because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t, but then one day you feel something else. Something that feels wrong, only because it’s so unfamiliar. Then, in that moment, you realize you’re happy.
“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.”—Gautama Buddha (via purplebuddhaproject)
“Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.”—Andrew Boyd (via purplebuddhaproject)
"Fight for what you want"
“Things worth having don’t come easy”
“Never give up on what you want”
“Nothing is worse than regret”
Sick of these dumb ass, unrealistic, optimistic bullshit quotes. I am not trying to be negative, just realistic. These quotes are the reasons why people end up hurting themselves, because they try so hard just to reach disappointment. Sometimes you can’t keep fighting for what you want because you know deep down you will never get it. Things worth having don’t come easy because that’s just life and life sucks. Sometimes you have to give up on what you want, not because you’re weak, but because they don’t want it. And you shouldn’t regret something in life you once wanted. Life is too fucking short to waste your time and effort on something when you’re the only one trying. Look at it as a lesson learned, move the fuck on and enjoy life before it’s too late.
Long story short: Don’t stick around waiting for him or her or anything to recognize your worth. If they are too blind to see that you are a good person, let it be his or her loss.
Something people don’t tell you about depression enough is how sometimes you’re just fucking randomly irritable. Like there isn’t a reason why. None. You just are. And then you’re mad at yourself. And then you get depressed..more depressed…you just want to cry. And then you have to be alone to…
"I always walk three steps behind him to his left. Anything that comes toward him from behind, I encounter first. I can clearly see what advances to his right and his left. I also have my sights on what approaches ahead. If I stand beside my King, I can only focus on what’s ahead and if he swings his sword…I will surely be struck. Three steps behind is the most powerful position for a Queen."
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.
It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back she was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.
I like the way you say my name when I stare off into space. I like the way you reach your hand over the car console and grab my hand. I like the way you kiss the back of my neck when I am cooking. I like the way you say, “Look at this!” and then bring the computer over to me so I can see. I like the way you want to go on adventures with me, and only me. I like the way you hold me at night, but how you let go when we get too hot, when it it is time for real sleep. I like the way you laugh, the way you pour our beers, the way you push a shopping cart. I like how you like me, how you love me without saying it. I am not very important to anyone, except you, and I don’t care. That’s the best compliment I can give anyone, you know.
Loving you feels like building a time capsule, but I guess all good things are bound, in the end, to feel like that.
I think the #BellLetsTalk program is great, promoting mental health awareness as well as end mental health stigma. Coming from someone that used to be ashamed of having mental health issues, I’ve learned that reaching out for help shows strength. I’ve had anxiety and on and off depression since the start of high school. I constantly worry about things I shouldn’t be worried about. Sometimes, I can’t stop worrying and it pisses me off and makes me hate myself. My constant worrying led to depression and made me feel down all the time. I didn’t have motivation to do anything and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt like people would be happy if I was dead and then I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore. I’ve been through things that made me who I am today and I’m glad that I got the help before it was too late. I know what it is like when you feel like life is caving in on you. I know what is it like to want to not exist and just disappear. I used to think suicide would fix everything, you think it’ll end the pain and you’ll never have to hurt again. That is not true.
Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. You might think that no one cares about, but people do care. I care, even if I don’t know you. No matter if you are black, white, tall, short, overweight, or anorexic, but you are beautiful. And you are never ever alone.
People that commit suicide don’t want to end their lives, they just want to end their pain. There are plenty of ways to get help and get better, but if you choose suicide, remember that that doesn’t end the chances of your life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of ever getting better. Keep your head high and heart strong.
National Suicide Crisis Numbers:
You left them running through my head You’re always there, you’re everywhere But right now I wish you were here. All those crazy things we did Didn’t think about it, just went with it You’re always there, you’re everywhere But right now I wish you were here